Do you hide or run from confrontation? Is your fear of confrontation making you miserable in some way? It probably is. How do I know that? Because in order to express ourselves and create any change we want to see, confrontation is often needed. Not an angry confrontation, though. I’m talking about approaching someone and discussing something that needs to be hashed out in a mature and respectful way. Following are 6 affirmations to help you move past your fear of confrontation and address an issue that you have head on.
1. The Need For Confrontation Won’t Go Away On Its Own
We all have some confrontations that need to be had. We avoid them because they make us uncomfortable, but that doesn’t make them go away. The only way to make a much needed confrontation go away is to get up and do the confronting.
That doesn’t sound fun for most people, but the thing to remember is this: You can do it now and get it over with, or you can allow that nagging, uncomfortable feeling to go on and on and on and ON.
You can let your fear of confrontation keep you in a place of misery for a long time. But, if you get it done now, you don’t have to deal with it anymore. It’s done. And you can get on to better things.
2. I Engage In Confrontations When I Want To Continue The Relationship
If it’s your friend, family member, neighbor, co-worker, or someone in the community that you want to continue your relationship with, you need to engage in the confrontation. If you don’t, your relationship will end.
Something that requires a confrontation is an issue that needs to be worked through. If it’s not worked through, then it will get bigger and bigger until it becomes something so big that it ends the relationship altogether.
The fact is that not confronting someone when you feel you need to is unfair to them. By not letting them know how you feel, they are being labeled by you in a way that is based off your anger or hurt. If you confront them, discuss how you feel, and then hear how they feel, they are given the chance to make themselves and their intentions clear to you so you don’t label them inappropriately or end the relationship off assumptions. It also gives them the opportunity to change if they need to and, therefore, improve the relationship.
3. I Don’t Feel The Need To Be Right
Confrontations start when one person thinks they are right and the other person is wrong. When you both think you are right, it’s very hard to communicate and work through the confrontation. But, when you go into it without expecting to be right, you will have an easier time communicating and working through any issue you have. You will genuinely want to understand instead of point blame or criticize.
This will also help you avoid making assumptions. When you feel you are right, your assumptions are often based on one-sided knowledge, but will fuel your confrontations in a very negative way. When you can go in without assumptions and be open to learning how they feel and where they are coming from, then your confrontation will be much less volatile and much more rewarding.
4. I Am Strong Enough To Face Criticism
If you are scared of being criticized for speaking up, then you must affirm to yourself that you can handle any criticism that comes your way.
Usually speaking up and confronting an issue can help you work things out in a way that is satisfying to you, but sometimes people don’t want to work things out. Sometimes they want to argue and get defensive and be downright mean. Sometimes they are going to feel attacked. In that case, they are going to be critical. They are going to point out things that help them feel better, and that’s just a chance you will have to take.
Affirm to yourself that you are strong enough to face criticism so that you can move past that fear and confront something when the situation requires it.
Remember, you don’t have to stay in a confrontation that goes sour. If the other person starts attacking you and won’t listen, then bow out of the confrontation because it will go nowhere but down from there. Be kind, let them know you will engage with them when they are ready to have a mature conversation with you, and then leave the situation.
5. I Turn Confrontations Into Meaningful Discussions
Confrontation is a harsh word. Nobody wants to have a confrontation because it sounds like you are going to have a fight.
No wonder so many people have a fear of confrontation. Who wants to fight?
But it doesn’t have to be like that.
If you need to confront someone, then you can turn that confrontation into a meaningful discussion where issues get worked out and resolutions are had.
One suggestion is to repeat points that people make. This often gets them to elaborate on what they mean, and they start to discuss rather than argue because they are able to share how they feel and feel heard.
For instance, if you are confronting someone about the way they talk to you, and they say, “I talk to everyone like that!” Then you can repeat that back to them. “Oh, I didn’t know you talked to everyone like that.” Be silent. Wait and see if they start to give you an explanation and then discuss that explanation as kindly as possible. You will see the confrontation quickly turns into a discussion where you can understand where they are coming from and express where you are coming from.
Also, a meaningful conversation does not include accusations. When you are talking about something that hurts you, use words like ‘I feel’ to help you get your point across. Saying, “I feel like you are being rude to me” is much better for starting a calm conversation than saying “You are being so rude!”
6. I Could Gain A Lot From This Confrontation
This affirmation is probably the biggest one that will help you move past your fear of confrontation and just do it. When you know that the rewards could be huge, you will be much more likely to do what you need to do.
I’m no stranger to fear of confrontation. But, some of my scariest confrontations resulted in my biggest rewards.
For instance, I had to confront my best friend about the way she was treating me. I was almost more inclined to just stop talking to her, but I went ahead and started a conversation with her. It was rocky at first, but we ended with more respect for each other than when we started. Our relationship grew closer and stronger. And we both felt really good about the discussion we had.
What could you gain from your confrontation? Peace? Love? A raise? Less stress? More knowledge? Remember that reward as you head into your confrontation.
Educate Yourself On Confrontation And The Benefits
The more you learn about confrontation and how beneficial it can be, the more likely you will be to move past your fear of confrontation and do what you need to do. Following are some books that may help.