There’s an endless amount of ways we can feel judged in life. We can feel judged for not having kids or not getting married. We can feel judged by our boss, friends, family, doctors, neighbors, or therapist. We can feel judged when we order something at a restaurant that’s not conventional! We always have a moment to feel judged, and when we let those judgements dictate how we feel, we can feel bad about ourselves, our decisions, and the people around us. That’s not what we want. But, the judgments are not going to stop. So, how do you stop feeling judged all the time? You affirm new things to yourself around those judgements and take control over how you react to them.
1. I Always Do What’s Right For Me And The People I Love
First things first, affirm to yourself that you do what’s right for you and the people you love, despite what other people think.
This will help you make those decisions that benefit when you are worried about being judged and may, possibly, be more inclined to not make the decision.
For example, a friend of mine knew she wanted to go vegan for her and her husband’s health. She also knew her family would judge her for it, and she found it easier to avoid cutting out dairy than trying to explain to her family how she was eating and make them vegan meals. Eventually, when she had read enough information on the benefits of going vegan for health – and she couldn’t deny she needed to do it anymore – she decided to affirm to herself that no matter what, she was going to do what she knew was right for her and her husband. That helped her make the switch. Her family judged her and made fun of her, but both her and her husband’s health improved, and she was grateful she had made the decision.
Do what’s right for you and your loved ones regardless of what other people will think. It’s your life, your health, and your happiness. Only you can make the right decisions.
2. Only I Have My Best Interest At Heart
Recently, we talked about how loving yourself is important because you are the only one who can always do so. It’s important to know that other people will judge you based on their beliefs and experiences, and you can’t take that personally because it’s not based on YOUR beliefs and experiences.
Other people have their best interest at heart. But, only you can have your best interest at heart.
So, don’t let other people’s judgments make you feel like you should be someone different. You know what’s best for you. They may love you and want the best for you, but it’s their best, not yours. They simply can’t understand what’s best for you because they are unique and only can see things from their point of view.
3. I Admit When I Screw Up
Sometimes judgments come from other people because you screwed up. That’s going to happen. I can’t think of one person who hasn’t done something stupid and made other people upset or annoyed because of it. But, that doesn’t mean that you have to allow their judgments to affect you negatively.
Don’t try to pretend like you didn’t screw up. Don’t ignore the fact that something wrong happened. If you do, then you are going to notice people’s judgments a lot more.
You know you screwed up. Admit it! Confess it to yourself. Confess it to the universe, God, or whatever higher power you believe in. Ask yourself for forgiveness. And then let it go.
There’s no use harping on about it. You’ve admitted it and other people’s judgments aren’t going to make what happened any different.
Tip: The best thing you can do to feel better is to do something positive for someone else. This will help replace any feelings of unworthiness or inadequacy with more positive feelings such as being valuable and appreciated.
4. I Am Not Perfect
When you screw up – and you are being judged based on something you did wrong or said wrong, remind yourself that you are not perfect. Use the above affirmation – I admit when I screw up – and combine it with the affirmation – I am not perfect – to remind yourself that it’s okay to screw up once in a while.
Even if you strive to be the best person in the world, things are going to happen. You’re human. Accept it.
5. I Don’t Need To Fit In
This affirmation is important when you are being judged. If you feel like you need to fit in, then people’s judgments are going to make you feel really bad about yourself. Trust me, I know.
I’ve always been different. I wouldn’t eat meat when I was a kid because I didn’t want to eat animals. Other kids were sitting at the table refusing to eat their broccoli, and I was refusing to eat my meat. I’ve decided not to have kids. I’m now a vegan. I quit a good job to do freelance writing and blogging. And, even though I’ve been with the same man for 14 years, we probably won’t ever get married because we don’t see the value in it.
My traditional parents have had to deal with a lot of non-traditional things from me. But, I’ve never needed to fit into what they want me to be. So, if they’ve judged me along the way, it’s not a big deal because I’m happy with who I am.
There’s a quote from Gary Oldman that says, “What other people think of me is none of my business” and it’s important to remember. You don’t need to fit in. You need to be you.
6. Other’s Judgments Usually Have More To Do With Them Than Me
The other day, a friend of mine was sitting in the McDonald’s drive-thru, a place she doesn’t go very often and probably won’t go for a long time again. It was a double drive-thru, and she had finished ordering before the person next to her so she started to drive up slowly. When he finished, he hit the gas and tried to cut her off so he could go in first. She turned to look at him, and he yelled at her, “Don’t worry, you’re going to get your Big Mac!!!!”
She knew he was trying to imply something with his statement. For a second she did feel judged for all the wrong reasons. But she also knew that his judgmental statement had more to do with him than her. He was mad that she was driving out before him, because she had arrived at the drive thru after him. He felt angry that she was moving out faster than him so he said a judgmental statement in an attempt to make her feel upset too.
This happens most of the time someone judges you. It has to do with their anger, hurt, embarrassment, misunderstanding, or fear, and nothing to do with you.
The other times, people are judging you based on something legit – like when you try to cut off someone in the drive-thru. You need to acknowledge that and move on.
7. I Leave Situations That Are Not Good For Me
Just because other people will judge you doesn’t mean you have to sit there and listen to their judgments or attacks on you.
Constructive criticism is okay. When someone is telling you how they feel and giving you criticism in a loving and kind way, then it’s important to communicate with them because it’s obvious they are not trying to hurt you, they are trying to help.
But when someone is yelling at you, making fun of you, being aggressive, lacking empathy, or just being a plain old jerk, you don’t need to sit there and take their judgments. You can leave into a better energy space.
Know that you often take on the energy of the people around you. So if you are surrounded by miserable people, you are likely going to start to feel miserable. Add their judgements to that and you can start to feel downright depressed. Move yourself out of the situation and find a better space – peaceful, fun, happy – so you don’t need to drop to their level.
8. It May Have More To Do With Me Than Them
The truth hurts, and that’s a fact that will never be untrue.
If you feel judged by someone, there is a chance that they are not judging you and you are simply making up their judgments in your mind.
For instance, if you are talking to a therapist, and they are asking you questions to dig deeper into your feelings and thoughts, something they say may sound judgmental to your eyes. But, it may be a valid question or statement that is meant to help you take a look at yourself and overcome something that you are struggling with.
This can apply to your doctor, parents, best friend, boss, or teacher. These people are in your life to help you in some way and, not always, but usually, they are just telling you facts that you need to hear.
Be honest with yourself in these cases. Are they telling you something that is true? If so, then they are stating a fact, not judging. Don’t take it as a judgmental criticism. Take it as someone trying to help you face yourself and overcome things that you need to overcome.